


This Hurt That I'm Holdin' (Is Getting Heavy)

by argle-bargle (RedGayBlueGay)



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Episode: s01e19 Young Blood Old Souls, Spoilers for Episode: s01e18 Agony of a Witch, Spoilers for Episode: s01e19 Young Blood Old Souls, Trauma, amity is lowkey out of character and im so sorry amity stans, but also not bc its cute, i have a lot of feelings about the last two episodes of season one so, idea came from a server im in lol, it can be taken as romantic ig??, it got tender towards the end ngl, lumity is kind of there but its more platonic, luz isn't having a good time :(, shout out to mack farren and smokey :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedGayBlueGay/pseuds/argle-bargle
Summary: It's hard not to notice the change in Luz's behavior when Lilith begins living with them.Alt Title: This Mama Has Trauma (And She Was Not Ready For It)
Relationships: Amity Blight & Gus & Willow Park, Amity Blight & Luz Noceda, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne & Hooty & King & Luz Noceda, Gus & Luz Noceda & Willow Park, Lilith Clawthorne & Luz Noceda
Comments: 15
Kudos: 420





	This Hurt That I'm Holdin' (Is Getting Heavy)

**Author's Note:**

> HOOOOO B O Y. those last two episodes, huh. i have a LOT of feelings and this is me coping
> 
> all the love to fanartists (i am one, after all) but i get lowkey pressed seeing fanart of luz being affectionate to lilith. like. lilith nearly killed luz, used her as a human shield (and BAIT) to get at her mentor, took her mentor away, was the indirect cause of luz's potentially only way home being destroyed,,,
> 
> DISCLAIMER: i don't hate lilith!! she's an interesting character. but she also put luz through some trauma. i don't want to see that being brushed away :(

It’s hard not to notice the slight change in Luz’s character when Lilith begins to live with them. How she jumps slightly whenever Lilith moves, eyes slightly glassing over. How she glares at said witch whenever she speaks. The venom dripping from her tone while speaking to the older witch, quickly switching to a honey sweet whenever Luz speaks to Eda. How Luz is the last person to go to sleep, her footsteps light as she patrols the Owl House, stopping just in front of Lilith’s door first, and Eda’s door last. 

How she takes extra precaution and  _ locks _ her door before she sleeps. 

How Luz no longer sleeps in the center of her room. Instead, she has cleared away the far right corner, converting it into a small blanket fort. She always sleeps with a stack of incomplete runes on her right, King curled up on her left, and tears streaming down her cheeks.

How she is the first one to wake up, a silent scream gracing her lips. Then, much like the night before, doing a quick patrol around the house, before finally going about her morning routine. 

Sharp words shared over breakfast, Eda glancing uneasily between her pupil and her sister (if she could even be called that after all Lilith has done). King, with his soft fur and bright eyes, glaring daggers at their unwelcome guest. 

Luz, usually so bright and cheerful, retreats into her shell when she reaches Hexside. She tries to play it off, smiling with a shaky voice. Nobody misses how tense she is, eyes darting around the hallways and classrooms. How, on her first presentation back to school, she flees the classroom with short breaths and tears in her eyes. 

It’s why, a few weeks after getting Eda back, the Owl Lady invites Luz’s friends to stay over. “She’s been tense. I’m hoping that with you three here she’ll be more Luz-like,” Eda had admitted in a rare moment of vulnerability. “I’m worried about her.” 

It backfires. Miserably. Every movement, Luz’s breath hitches, her hands twitching slightly. They order pizza. Luz physically  _ jumps _ when the delivery person knocks on the door. When they sit on the couch to play board games, Luz is positioned close to Lilith, as though blocking her friends from the older witch. The night is full of strained laughter and thin words, barely concealed insults shroud by a sweet tone, quiet assurances that, “ _ I’m fine, Willow, just happy you guys are here! _ ” 

Willow, Gus, and Amity share a doubtful look at every assurance from their friend. 

It worsens when it’s bedtime. Luz trails behind her friends, constantly glancing back. When they reach her room, she assures them that she’ll be right back, subtly laying three ice runes on the ground in front of the door. While their fourth is missing, the three share worried words, half-baked plans being debated between them. 

Luz returns, a bit more relaxed than she was. Willow asks where King was. Luz responds that he’s with Eda. “Protecting her,” goes unspoken. She pulls her sleeping bag to be facing the door. Her notebook sits beside her as they share stories and Luz visibly relaxes, laughing genuinely for possibly the first time all day. 

Her laughter cuts short when they hear three sharp knocks on her door. Luz is quick to stand, notebook open, shoulders tense. She steps over the ice glyphs, which causes her friends to see said glyphs. 

“Why did you put some glyphs down?” Gus asks, innocent. 

“Just in case,” Luz replies, turning the lock on her door. 

“Did you lock the door?” Willow questions. 

“I just unlocked it,” Luz answers, opening said door. Eda stands there, a gentle smile on her sharp features. 

“Just checking up on ya,” Eda informs. “Making sure you four are ready for bed.” 

“We are! We were just telling stories,” Luz responds, relaxing. “Are you headed to bed?” 

Eda nods. Luz wraps her arms around her mentor, giving her a short hug. “Night, Eda.” 

“Good night, kids,” Eda says. 

“Night, Eda!” Luz’s friends echo back. The door closes gently. Luz turns the lock once more. 

“Why did you lock it?” Amity asks, eyebrows drawn together. 

“Just in case,” Luz says once more. 

“In case of what?” the former presses. 

Luz doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Just in case,” she affirms, then glances to Willow. “What were you saying about your dad?” The human sits back down, notebook still held in her hands. Willow looks reluctant to continue, but does so anyway. 

When it’s finally time for the four to sleep, Luz is the last one to drift off. She tries to ignore the anxiety of not facing the door, but it’s too strong. She shifts so that she is facing the door, and falls into a fitful rest. 

Only to wake up with a sob bubbling over her lips, images of her loved ones petrified flashing in her mind. Luz sits up, pressing a hand to her mouth to keep quiet. When she looks over to her friends, she’s startled to find one awake, staring at her with concern. A small scream startles out of her, and she flinches back. 

Amity holds up her hands. “Hey, hey! It’s okay! It’s just me.” 

Luz makes a strangled noise, tears streaming down her cheeks. Gus makes a noise, rolling over in his sleep. 

“Luz…” Amity pauses. “Can I come closer to you?” she eventually asks. Luz nods, swallowing thickly. The witch crawls over to the human, sitting right in front of her. “Can I touch you?” 

“Y-yeah,” Luz replies, voice strained. Amity places one hand on Luz’s shoulder, before drawing her friend into a hug. She rubs the human’s back as Luz breaks down into sobs, hands gripping the back of Amity’s sleep shirt like a lifeline. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Amity murmurs, wishing she could do more to help her friend. This continues for a while more, Luz trying to apologize while Amity simply hushes her, assuring that it was okay. 

Eventually, though, Luz pulls away, wiping the tears from her eyes and cheeks with the heel of her hands. “I’m..” she starts. 

“Don’t apologize, Luz,” Amity cuts her off swiftly. “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not,” Luz replies. “I’m...I’m so  _ scared _ , Amity.” 

“I know.” 

“I...Lilith took Eda  _ away _ . She used  _ me _ as  _ bait. _ She used me as a  _ shield _ . She tried to  _ kill _ me! And now she’s acting like the good guy? I just–” Luz takes in a shuddering breath, “I’m so, so  _ scared _ , Ami. I don’t…” 

“I know, Luz,” Amity soothes, taking the girl’s hands. Luz squeezes them. 

“I thought I was going to die,” the Latina admits, closing her eyes. “When Eda faced Lilith. And when I faced Belos. I thought I was going to  _ die _ . I thought Eda was going to die. I...I was going to die without ever seeing my  _ mom– _ ” Luz cuts herself off with a choked sob. Amity moves to embrace her again, but Luz holds up a hand. “I’m okay,” she assures in a thick voice. 

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not,” Luz agrees. “And I don’t know when– _ if _ –I will be.” 

“I’m here for you, Luz,” Amity murmurs, holding up their joined hands, “Okay? If you need a listening ear, or if you need to get away from it for a while...I’m here.” 

“Okay,” Luz replies, nodding slowly. “Okay.” Amity brings her into an embrace once more, holding Luz tightly. 

They fall asleep curled up beside one another, one of Amity’s arms circled around Luz, the other tucked under her head as a pillow. For the first time in weeks, Luz sleeps peacefully,  _ without  _ her notebook clutched in her hands. Luz still isn’t okay, but she will be. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry lol :)
> 
> check out my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/argle-bargles)!! i recently posted some luz fanart and im really proud of it,, pls check it out 🥺🥺


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